An excerpt from a nikaah bayaan from our Sheikh Hazrat Maulana Abdul Hamid Damaat Barakaatuhum

Hazrat Maulana Maseehullah Saheb R.A says,

“Take a lesson from a young girl when she gets married.

“The world accepts that women are the weaker sex”

and they are delicate. Women are sensitive. A young girl of eighteen to twenty years, she enjoyed being with her parents, fighting and playing with her siblings, etc. However when she receives a proposal and accepts and says,

“Yes! I am prepared to marry this boy.”

Then Hazrat Maulana Maseehullah R.A says,

“She tares herself away from her family and comfort of her parents like silk being pulled out of thorns.”

The very same girl in her one “Yes!” Hands over her honour, her total izzat (respect), to her husband. The same girl who would never lower her garment, will do so for her husband. She will become such a person that despite having given up so much she will now try to keep her husband happy all the time. What a great sacrifice a woman makes for the husband.

A lesson for the husband is he must realise that his wife has made a very great sacrifice and she has come as an Amaanat (A great trust), so treat her as Amaanat and do not destroy it.

Another great lesson we learn from the sacrifice a woman makes is just as she is able to pull herself away from her family we should also pull our Rooh (soul) away from all the thorns the gunnahs (sins) we commit and we should hand ourselves over to Allah Ta’ala.

A husband will appreciate or he may not appreciate his wife for her sacrifice, Allah Ta’ala will definitely appreciate a person in such a way one cannot imagine. Allah Ta’ala will appreciate a person for giving up his desires. Therefore we should take lesson from these young girls and how they hand themselves over on the occasion of Nikah. We should hand ourselves over to Allah Ta’ala.      

ADVICES OF A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER

My beloved daughters! Let me teach you some things that will benefit you. You were not born to live in your parents’ home. If Allah Ta’ala wishes one day you will leave their home. You are their guest, and just like a guest stays for a few days and goes away. Your condition is similar. Your parents’ will also have you married and send you to the home of your in-laws. That is why a daughter is called, “A stranger’s property.”

Your parents are not wrong in their actions. This is the command of Allah Ta’ala and the Sunnat of our beloved Nabi-e-Karim Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. All the people around the world have done it and will continue doing it, whether they are rich or poor. The kings of the world can take care of their daughters but they also hand her over in marriage.

My dear sweet innocent daughters, you are living in the protection and comfort of your parents’ home. You have no worries of eating, drinking and dressing. You have the peace and contentment of their protection at all times. Your parents’ overlook your faults and try to guide you and reform you. They have love and feelings for you and will not allow the slightest of worries to burden you.

My dear daughter when you have reached the age of marriage and you have left the comforts of your parents’ home, think of the following. Will the people overlook your faults? No! They will not. You will have to present proof of your capabilities, then only will you attain peace and contentment.

My dear daughter I would like to show you the way of living at your parents’ house and the way of living at your in-laws house and through this you will attain knowledge of how to apply it in your life and through this you will be able to change the home you will be living in, into Jannat and they will receive you with great respect and honour. They will praise you for your good character and good qualities and they will praise your parents on your excellent upbringing. Your husband will be proud of you and the young and the old will honour you.

My dear daughter the first test you will face is, your capabilities in domestic affairs. This will be things such as, organising a household, cleanliness of your house, entertaining guests, keeping good relationships with your in-law’s families, etc. If you do not pass this test then you will be labelled as one who does not know anything. In your parents’ home you have people to guide you in these matters, tomorrow you will have to manage on your own. Therefore if you are not in the habit of doing all these domestic chores you will not be able to cope in your in-laws home tomorrow. That is why it is my wish that you may develop these qualities in order for your life to be of honour and happiness.

My dear daughter do not waste your precious time in reading novels because this will not give you an understanding of the real world. It is important to be independent in your accomplishments. Do not depend on your mother-in-law or sister-in-law to complete your work. Try to work quickly and diligently. This will amaze the men of the household.

My dear daughter serve and train the little children well, whilst continuing with the rest of the domestic work. If one complication arises then attend to it without causing other problems or neglecting the rest of your duties. Always keep the entire running of the household in mind. (Multi-task.)

My dear daughter maintain a balance in your attitude. Do not adopt pride on one day and humility on another day. You must maintain a counter-balance. When you create all these qualities within you then you will attain the ability to correct everything that may go wrong. You will be able to amend problems with your intelligence and if you make mistakes then you will be able to rectify it quickly.

My dear daughter, think before you do anything. Do not create fights and arguments. If you stay away from unnecessary problems and if perchance you should get involved in something then they will forgive you and overlook your faults because the foolish action of a sensible person is liked by everyone.

My dear daughter understand this well that all goodness of this world and the hereafter is attained with sense and modesty. These are the two jewels of a human being. Shame and modesty are such assets which saves a person from all evils.

THE WAY OF STAYING WITH YOUR PARENTS

My dear daughter, serve your parents with your and life and do not trouble them in any way.

My dear daughter, prepare food for them on time according to their wishes.

My dear daughter, when your parents speak to you then listen attentively.

My dear daughter, when your parents ask you to do something for them then fulfil it obediently.

My dear daughter, when your parents are busy then do not disturb them.

My dear daughter, do not repeat whatever they say to you. (That is do not back chat them by telling them to do a thing themselves.)

My dear daughter, keep their home, cupboards and the living areas all neat and tidy for them.

My dear daughter, form a habit of awakening early every day, in this way you will be able to perform your Namaazes on time, make Tilawaat of Quraan Sharif and your daily Zikr. This will keep you ready for the day ahead.

My dear daughter, if your parents get upset with you for any reason then always ask them for forgiveness and never say “OOF” to them.

My dear daughter, always remember your parents kindness to you and never remind them of the favours you are doing for them.

My dear daughter, if you do all these things for parents whilst you are in their home then you will attain a noble character. However if you fail to listen to them, then your bad habits will affect you in your future.

My dear daughter, if you have attained such bad habits like, disrespect, shamelessness, stinginess, stubbornness and pride. Then please reform yourself quickly because these faults will be recognised as childishness by your parents and they will not rectify it now. These evil habits will become poison for you later on in life and it will be very difficult to change it. Therefore rectify yourself. A sensible person is one who prevents the water from coming in before it comes in.

My dear daughter, your intelligence will guide you to the right road. Your modesty will save you from evil. If a calamity befalls you with the command of Allah Ta’ala then you will find it easy to bear. The strength and weakness of a building is based on the amount of intelligence and wisdom a person possesses.

ADVICES OUR PIOUS MOTHERS GAVE THEIR BELOVED DAUGHTERS

Oh! My dear daughter, look at your elders and learn from them. It was a custom in the earlier days that the pious women would call the young girls to them. They would make them sit near them and stroke their heads, while imparting interesting true stories and at the same time they taught them about Deeni things as well. They would teach the girls their Surahs, they would teach them about Namaazes, they would teach them how to act upon the commands of Shariat, and they would teach them the Faraaidh and Waajibaat. When they started practising on these things they were given domestic lessons. These pious women would keep a watchful eye on these girls. They would reprimand them if they committed any act of disrespect. There was no selfishness, freedom, shamelessness and malice like today. These women gave their utmost attention to their children’s proper Deeni education, upbringing and development of good character, good manners and behaviour. They did not give in to their daughter’s demands nor did they love their daughters wrongly. They would keep their daughters under full control. They would sacrifice all their peace and comfort for the proper reformation of their daughters. They would direct their daughters towards shamefulness and modesty from a very early age. The influence of the mothers on these beloved daughters was so strong that the influence from outsiders could not take these girls to the wrong way of life. The pious mothers of the past were particular about their daughter’s beauty so they would keep them veiled and strange women were not allowed near them. They were always encouraged towards good and the consequences of evils were constantly explained to them. These mothers would instil such fear in the hearts of these girls that even after marriage, that fear would remain in their hearts. These girls were taught which males to observe purdah from and they were never seen by their male cousins nor did they have an informal relationship with them. They dare not come in front of their sister’s husband or their husband’s brothers. They had such modesty that they would not even show their handwriting to other men besides those that were Marham to them. These pious mothers would teach them the finest details of modesty in such a beautiful manner that it was not difficult for them to practise upon these things when the time came. These girls were not allowed to read books other than Quraan Sharif, Hadith and other Islamic literature. They would stress on the importance of spending time correctly and on the importance of Namaaz, Roza, Wazeefahs and daily recitation of Duaas. In the past there were not many talks of Deeni knowledge but these mothers beat us in their piety, godliness and justice. In those days men would also give attention to Islamic knowledge. They tolerated suffering for Islamic knowledge thus they became successful in their efforts, leading a life of peace and comfort. The truth is that children of the past were obedient to their parents. This was the result of proper upbringing. This was the result of the “delicious fruits” of pious parents. Today’s parents have become obedient to their children. This is the result of emphasising on secular education for our sons and daughters. The result of this is that children of today do not know the stage that shame and modesty has in Islam and they have become inclined towards western cultures.

THE WAY TO LIVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS

My dear daughter, you will be like a guest in your in-laws home in the beginning. During this time you will have to be very cautious. Avoid doing such actions that will cause you shame or disrespect. Eat whatever you are given and do not show any dissatisfaction.

My dear daughter, treat your mother-in-law like your own mother, your father-in-law like your own father, your sister-in-law like your own sister. Take advice from them whenever possible. Do not do such actions that will create suspicion or doubts about you.

My dear daughter, if you receive anything from your parents’ home do not hide it from your in-laws but instead show it to them. This will not give them any reason to find faults in you.

My dear daughter, look after all that belongs to you. Keep your everyday clothing separate to the clothing you will need for special occasions. Do not ask your in-laws for accounts of anything.

My dear daughter, spend time with your in-laws, sit with them and listen to their talks. Accept talks of benefit to you and reform your faults.

My dear daughter, become aware of the domestic chores that need to be done. Learn their habits of eating, drinking, cooking and how the food is shared and how they entertain. Watch all this with concentration and leave your old ways aside. Try to bring their ways into your life. However do not get involved in customs that are contrary to the Shariat. Do not oppose them openly but explain to them with love and kindness.

My dear daughter, spare some time for the young girls of the family and neighbourhood. Teach them about Deen. Teach little girls about important Mas’alahs of Deen. Your time will pass well, if you spend it in Deeni talks.

My dear daughter, keep your mother-in-law and sister-in-laws honour in mind. If they ask you anything then advise them with respect. If they need tea or some help then do it happily. If they have guests then help to arrange the food, tea and dishes etc. and when the guests leave then help to wash and clean up and do not be lazy.

My dear daughter, show love towards your sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws children. If there are any arguments with regard to children do not side with any of them because this will result in hurting one of the mother’s. If you show love to these children then you will win the hearts of their mothers’.

My dear daughter, do not speak ill of your in-laws home. Similarly if anyone should condemn your in-laws then you should defend them. Do not take part in household arguments and do not expose these to the neighbours.

Finally, my dear beloved daughter live with your in-laws the way a pious Muslim woman should live. Live in such a manner that all members of the household will love you and will want to bring their daughters up just like you.

May Allah Ta’ala grant all our daughters happiness and goodness, InshaAllah, Ameen

SOURCE: NURANI TUHFA-e-KHAWATEEN

A SPECIAL GIFT FOR THE MUSLIM LADY